Amity

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." - Unknown


I am the first one to admit that I am a terrible friend. I hate that about myself. I have all the best intentions and love my friends deeply, but when it comes to commitment sometimes I, well, simply suck.

I grew up in a small town and spent my first five years as an only child living on a farm far from any neighbors, much less any with children my age. What I had were lots of cousins. And I do mean lots. My father is one of eight children and I was fortunate to grow up on the same land as he was raised and just up the hill from my grandparents. This means I was constantly surrounded by cousins. This was absolutely terrific during summer days and holiday times. It also eased the loneliness that sometimes comes from being an only child. I sure do miss those days. And my cousins.

During elementary school and on through high school I grew up with the same group of friends over those 13 years. When there are only 80-some folks graduating with you there are some great relationships formed over the years. We all remember what we were like at 5 years old and thanks to things like Facebook, many of us have reconnected in recent years. I have some terrific memories of times with the best of friends. Silly slumber parties, ridiculous amounts of boy talk, prank calls, dates, engagements, and marriages. I also experienced the guilt and sadness when both of my best friends lost their fathers before they graduated from high school. Thank God I still have my father and thank God for those beautiful friends who showed such strength and grace through what had to be the toughest times of their young lives. They taught me so much. I miss them.

College encompasses one of the shortest eras in our lifetimes but is often the most influential. I made some great friends there, too, and cherish those times. I wish I would have focused more on my relationships with them as they have grown into some pretty terrific people.

I'm not sure why I let friendships fade away. I think it has something to do with my internal focus and sometimes I forget to look up to appreciate those I have around me. I am blessed to have some exceptional women in my life today who have stood by me and have forgiven me for my neglect. I love you, I appreciate you, and I vow to try harder.